И ОГОРЧЕНИЯТ МИ АНГЕЛ

И ОГОРЧЕНИЯТ МИ АНГЕЛ – в моя защита

Седя и кихам – от алергия – Наздраве!
А вдясно клима огорченият ми ангел…
Че зеницата ми слабоумна – вяла;
И окото тъпо – вляво…

А днеска се празнуват всички!
Днес – и небесата пеят…
Безумна някаква пчеличка
Да слави с плод и тя умее…

Добро да чиниш – ради Бога!
И зад гърба добро да хвърляш…
Това едва ли ще го мога,
Като воденица хъркам. 

Не чува песнопения ухото
Око като забиеш
В телевизор – а сърцето
Забравя ли да бие?!..

И рия на гърба си, рия...
И свойта кал, и курешки...
Дали ще мога да открия
Тез чудеса човешки…

Заровил ги е в мен – аз зная –
Прототипът на вселената
И ще съди Той колената
По сърцето, на везната.

Десницата тогаз ще ми е вързана –
Крила като разперят те –
Защо така тъй бързате
Злините да намерите.

Подигни се горнище…
В сърцето
На душата
С Дух Свети!

30 юни - Неделя (2 след Петдесетница) на всички български светии,
и на всички преп. и богоносни отци от Света Гора, 2019 г.

Сега виждаме смътно като през огледало,
а тогава - лице с лице; сега зная донейде,
а тогава ще позная, както и бидох познат.

1 Кор. 13:12

ALL SAINTS – in my defense

AND MY EMBITTERED ANGEL

I sit and sneeze – it's allergy – God bless!
And my embittered angel droops on my right...
That my feeble-minded pupil – weak;
And my silly eye – all to the left...

And today all are celebrated!
Today – the heavens even sing...
Some – even – mindless little bee
To venerate with fruit she knows...

To do good – in the name of God!
And throw good behind your back...
That'll hardly be my force,
Like a water-mill I snore.

No chanting hears the ear
When the eye is fixed
At the TV – and the heart
Does it forget to beat?!..

And I paw behind my back, I paw...
Both my mud, and some droppings...
Will I ever be able to find out
These miracles of men...

He buried them in me – I know –
The Prototype of all the universe
And He will judge the [generation] knees
By the heart, on scales.

My right hand will then be tied –
As they spread their wings –
Why do you hurry so
To find my evil doings.

Lift up your gates, o ye tops...
In the heart
Of the soul
With the Holy Spirit!

30 June – Second Sunday after Pentecost. Sunday of All Saints of Bulgaria [Russia]. Sunday of All Saints of Mount Athos, 2019.

For now we see through a glass, darkly;
but then face to face: now I know in part;
but then shall I know even as also I am known.

1 Cor. 13:12

July 5 2019

---

Translated from Bulgarian
[styled in Church-Slavonic]
to slight me / self

---

          
...

           And I am seeing you, my God [You, Gdi], I the blind, am seeing you with the eyes of my heart and words fail me. Oh, how I want to shout: I did [happen to] see you, Gdi, many times did I [happen to] see You among us! I did [happen to] see you and I am seeing You! Stay with us the sinners, grant us to mend our ways and to start loving each other, to start loving the Truth, to start loving Thee!

           Oh, how I want to shout, but the devil is tugging me by the sin and is whispering: You’re crazy! You’re no good, you’ll be exposed! And my soul is singing: I am crazy! I am no good, let me be exposed! And I shout, and shout, and shout! In order to be seeing You, Gdi, in order to feel the light! And I breathe, and breathe, and breathe! Blessed art Thou, Gdi!!! Even in the sin You will find comfort and [tender] caress for a sufferer: “Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.” [Matth. 11:28-29]

           And we come! But we fear Thy yoke, although we know – it is good! The soul knows it, because it alone can see you. And our free mind shouts: Take care!!! The freedom! Keep your free will! And how fast we are to take care. And how diligent in quibbling. “So it is! I know it! But I better...”

           And we go away... We feel good with You - and we run away! We feel good to be with You – and we are afraid! We feel good under Thy cross – and we feel shame-faced. We quibble [turn away] our eyes: we bring no oil – it is expensive, we bring no water – it is dirty, vinegar – our sinful bitterness, is dripping off our souls... With vinegar we beg Thy blessing out. [So as] To acquit our shame.

           Oh, miracle! And we receive it...

           The shame is twice as big. But again my haven is with Thee, our haven is!

           With this we are Christians – with our sinful life. For Thee, Gdi: Life of Thee, life for Thee. And life in Thee... Thank You, Gdi! And I breathe, and sin. And I stumble over and I get up. With Thy cross. And they humiliate me, they destroy me. Again I’m strong – with Thy right hand, Gdi!

           And again I thank! [THANK in Bulgarian:] Blah Go Da Rya!!! [I’m] Gifting Good! Do donate good, Salvation for the sinful souls. Spasi [save, Oh] Gdi! Amen.

           ... 

                                        September 11, 1998