Stand Courageously and Trust Firmly in God - St. Silouan the Athonite

Stand Courageously and Trust Firmly in God. St. Silouan the Athonite

 

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And sometimes for a long time the Lord tests the soul whether it is faithful to Him, and the soul, not seeing in itself the sweetness that it has known, craves that sweetness again and humbly waits for it and is constantly attracted to the Lord by the fervor of love.

With grace, it is easy to love God and pray day and night. But the wise soul tolerates even dryness and trusts firmly in the Lord and knows that He will not shame hopes and will provide in due time.

The grace of God comes sometimes soon, and sometimes it is not given over an extended period. But the wise soul humbles itself and loves its neighbor and meekly bears its cross and thereby defeats the enemies who try to tear it away from God. When sins like clouds hide from the soul the light of God's new indwelling, then the soul – although it thirsts for the Lord – is still weak and powerless as a bird imprisoned in a cage, although it breaks into a green grove it cannot fly to sing in freedom a song of praise to God. For a long time I suffered not knowing the way of the Lord. But now, through many years and through many sorrows and by the Holy Spirit, I have come to know the will of God. All that the Lord has commanded must be fulfilled exactly, for this is the way into the Kingdom of Heaven and we shall see God. But think not that you shall see God but rather humble yourself and think that after death you will be plunged into a dungeon and there you will languish and miss the Lord.

When we weep and humble our souls, the grace of God keeps us, and if we leave weeping and humility, we can get carried away by thoughts or visions. A humble soul has no visions and does not desire them, but with a pure mind it prays to God, and a vain mind is not pure of thoughts and imagination and can even go so far as to see demons and speak to them. I write about this because I myself was in this misfortune. Twice I was in PRELEST [delusive charm].

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The first time – at the very beginning – out of inexperience – was when I was a young novice and then the Lord soon had mercy on me.

The second time – out of pride – and then I suffered a long torment before the Lord healed me, for the prayers of the confessor.

It happened after I received a certain vision. I revealed this vision to four spiritual men, and none of them told me that it was from the enemy. However, the PRELEST of the vanity fought me. But after that I realized my mistake also myself because again demons began to appear again, not only at night but during the day, as well. The soul sees them but is not afraid because I also felt in myself the mercy of God. And so many years I suffered them. If the Lord had not allowed me to know myself the holy spirit, if it were not for the help of the Most Holy and Good Lady [Theotokos], I would have despaired for my salvation. But now my soul has firm hope in the mercy of God, though by my works I am worthy of torment both on earth and in hell.

For a long time I couldn't figure out what was wrong with me. I thought [to myself]: I do not judge people; I do not accept bad thoughts, obedience in work is also proper; I abstain from food, I pray incessantly – [then] why have demons been haunting me. I do see that I am in error but I cannot tumble to why.

I pray – they would leave for a while and then come again. And my soul was for a long time in this struggle. I talked about this to several elders – they kept silent and I was at a loss. And there, one day I was sitting in the cell at night and demons found with me a full cell [of demons]. I pray fervently – the Lord drives them away but they come back again. Then I stood up to make a bow to the icons and demons were all around me and one – in front of me in such a way that I could not make a bow to the icons and it would turn out that I were bowing to him. Then I sat down again and said: O Lord. Thou seeth that I want to pray to you with a pure mind but demon do not allow me to. Tell me what I have to do so that they would get away from me. And there was an answer to me from the lord in the soul: the proud ones always suffer like this from demons. I said: O Lord, Thou art merciful; my soul knows Thee; tell me what I must do that my soul may humble [calm]. And the Lord answered me in my soul: Keep your mind in hell and do not despair. O God’s mercy, I am an abomination before God and men, and the Lord loves me so much and enlightens me, and heals me, and teaches my soul humility and love, patience and obedience, and He Himself has poured unto me every mercy. Ever since, I have kept my mind in hell and have burned with a gloomy fire, and I miss the Lord and look for Him with tears, and I say, I shall soon die and go dwell in the gloomy dungeon of hell, and I alone shall burn there, and yearn for the Lord and weep: Where is my Lord, whom my soul knows?

And I benefited greatly from this [one] thought. My soul was purified and my soul found peace.

It's a wonderful thing! The Lord hath commanded me to keep my mind in hell and not to despair– He is so close to us: Lo, I am with you alway, even unto the end of the world! And again: Call upon me in the day of trouble: I will deliver thee, and thou shalt glorify me. When the Lord touches the soul, it all becomes new. But this is understandable only to those who have come to know by experience, for without the Holy Spirit it is impossible to know the heavenly things. And this Spirit has been given on earth by the Lord. Whoever can describes the joy of knowing the Lord and insatiably longing for Him day and night! Oh, [how] blessed and happy are we Christians! There is nothing more precious than knowing God and there is nothing worse than not knowing Him. But even that one is blessed who, though he does not know, still believes.

I began to do as the Lord taught me. And my soul has delighted in peace in God, and now day and night I ask Christ God for humility. Oh, this Christ's humility – I know it – although I cannot acquire it, I know it from the grace of God but I am unable to describe it. I look for it as a precious bright pearl – it is pleasant for the soul and sweeter than the whole world. I've learned it by experience and do not be surprised by this! The Holy Spirit on earth lives in us and He enlightens us; He allows us to come to know God; He enables us to love the Lord; He enables us to think of God; He gives us the gift of words; He gives us the glorification of the Lord; He gives us joy and happiness. The Holy Spirit gives us the strength to wade war with the enemies and to defeat them. I pray all people: let us resort to repentance and then we shall glimpse the mercy of the Lord. And those who see visions and believe them, I beseech them to understand that from this there appears in them pride and with it – sweetness, vanity – in which there is no humble spirit of repentance and this is what the trouble is – for without humility it is impossible to defeat the enemies.

I myself was wrong twice – once the enemy showed me the light and the thought told me: accept this grace. Another time I received a vision and suffered a lot for this. Once, at the end of the bell tolling, when they started singing: let every breath praise the Lord, I heard King David in heaven singing the praise of the Lord. I was standing on the choral and it seemed to me that there was no roof, no dome – and that I could see apertures in the sky. I told 4 spiritual men about this but no one told me that the enemy had mocked me. And I myself also thought that demons could not glorify God and therefore this meant that this vision was not from the enemy. But the PRELEST of the vanity of fought me – I began to see demons again – then I knew that I had been deceived and revealed everything to the confessor and asked for his prayers. And for his prayer I am now saved, and I always pray to the Lord to grant me the spirit of humility, and if they asked me, "What do you want from God, what gifts," I would say – the spirit of humility, which the Lord is most pleased with. It was for Her humility that the Virgin Mary became the Mother of God and is glorified more than anyone else both in heaven and on earth. She gave herself entirely to the will of God: all of me is the servant of the Lord, She said, and all we should imitate the holy Virgin.

[Along] With humility, the soul receives peace in God, but the soul learns for a long time how to keep this peace. We lose this peace because we have not established ourselves in humility. And I was deceived a lot by enemies. I thought my soul knows the Lord; that it knows how good He is and how much He loves us – then how do bad thoughts come to me and over an extended period I could not figure it out, until the Lord brought me to my senses and then I came to know that it is from pride that bad thoughts come.

One unskillful monk suffered from demons. And when they attacked him, he ran away from them and they chased after him. If such a thing happens to you, do not be afraid and do not run, but stand courageous, humble yourself and say: O Lord, have mercy on me a great sinner. And demons will disappear. But if you run cowardly run, they will drive you into an abyss. Remember that in the hour when you are attacked by demons, the Lord also looks at you to see how you trust Him. If you clearly see Satan and he would set you on his fire and wants to captivate your mind, then again – fear not, but firmly hope on the Lord and say: I am the worst of all - and the enemy will depart from you! If you feel that an evil spirit is at work within you, then do not be shy but confess purely, and earnestly ask the Lord for a humble spirit and the Lord will certainly grant [provide this]. And then – as per the level you have humbled yourself to – you will feel grace in yourself. And when your soul is completely humbled, then you will acquire perfect peace. And man wages such a war all his life.

A soul that has come to know the Lord by the Holy Spirit – if after that it falls into PRELEST – is not frightened but – remembering the love of God and knowing that the battle with enemies is allowed for [our] vainglory and pride– humbles itself and asks healing from the Lord. And the Lord heals the soul– sometimes quickly, and sometimes slowly, little by little. The obedient one who believes in the confessor and does not believe himself shall soon be healed from any harm done to him by enemies, while a disobedient one will not stand upright [corrected]!

The war of the soul with the enemy is till the grave. And if in a conventional war only the body is killed, then our warfare is more difficult and dangerous because the soul can also perish.

For my pride, the Lord allowed the enemy to twice wage war with my soul, so that my soul would stand in hell. And I can say that if the soul is courageous it can withstand, but if not – it can perish forever.

To all who will like me be in such trouble I write: Stand courageously and firmly trust the Lord, and the enemies shall not remain standing [persist], for the Lord has overcome them.

By the grace of God I have come to know that the Lord graciously cares for us and no prayer, no single good thought will go to waste before God.

The Lord often doesn't seem to listen to us, but this is only because we are proud and it is not useful to us. Pride is difficult to recognize in oneself, but Lord leaves the proud man to suffer [a little] from one’s impuissance until one humbles oneself. And when the soul is humbled – then the enemies are defeated and the soul finds great peace in the Lord.