Euthanasia – Stoyan Mikhaylovski (1884)

 

Stoyan Mikhaylovski

Euthanasia

 

I

“Hey, who's knocking on the door?”
so late, it’s after three?…
“A faithful friend is visiting…”
“I will no night guest, go away…”
“Open for me! You were my
admirer before; you’ve called
me more than once
to help…”  “Who are, who are you?
Why you say not your name?”
“I don't know my name…”
“You’re looking for something or running away?”
“I bring something to give you…”
“Your name?” “Open,
please, these doors
and accept me as a brother…”
“There is no brotherhood here, go!”
“Don't be so angry, so strict, so evil,
oh people made to do good,
oh souls similar to God’s!”
“Are you a Deity or are you a man?
a spirit unclean, or a genius good?
Who sends you? Where are you from?
Do you bring day or dark?…”
“I am the Fate of the world,
the eternal Destiny —
the supreme power
and the spirit of all things!…”
"Run away, you mighty guest,
don't cross this threshold!
There’s no living person in this house –
here sits a human gloom!
Run! I'm done already
with all earthly chores!
There’s no longer any will in me!
I’m done; its over - what used to be!…
My song was sung!…
My path is lost before me
as if covered by fog;
everything inside me’s broken,
I am an old, deleted organ!…
Way too soon I hurried
to see the meaning of all things —
in disgust I pulled back
from the world stage —
and my soul I bound
to an iron rock!…
Run, you gloomy Fate, flee
to support the warriors,
but do not stop with me again…

 

II

“I'm the Fame, open up!
You called me many times,
when still a teenager—
behold, I came at last,
hey, to you I stretch my arms…

Vladimir Djambov books + Welcomer

I’ll follow you each day

as a slave I’ll walk —
with supra-star radiance
I’ll shine your face up…
I will put your name
onto all the lips
and your life will pass
in constant celebrations!
With wreaths they’ll meet you
and — a worshipped hero —
in your honor they’ll arrange
countless celebrations!
Every day and hour the Press
will thunder with your deeds —
and the crowd will be harnessed
to tow your cart…”

 “Run, Oh Fame ridiculous,
elsewhere take your wreaths,
flee, you shameful harlot,
elsewhere look for heroes!
From a furious and blind crowd
I accept no incense —
no, I won't be stained
with honors by the wild mob!
I will no monument – I won’t
be perpetuated,
I see no need at all
to be alive — once I die!
Let the future generation
know nothing about me —
let the world die for me
on my last day…”

 

III

“I am youth, open to me,
I am love, open up!…
Renew your blood and strength,
go back to your past —
to bright, and happy years,
embrace a new genesis —
like the ancient phoenix
rise from your dust!…
I bring you new spirit and flesh,
a heart intact —
from suffering and miseries
an unwrinkled face!…
Oh, get out of this loneliness
and try a new lot –
the sweet-tasting youth
and the sweetest love!
In your veins I’ll kindle
unquenchable fires —
I will deliver your mind
from dreams unfeasible,
in unceasing rejoicing
you will pass your days
and in this world you will live up
just to be the master!…
You will have what you want,
all earthly goods,
all honorable deeds,
you will always be full —
without ever being sated…
Your knightly greatness
will subdue all hearts;
all will be captivated by you;
your gaze, your face
will enchant all eyes…
To please you so you may
stretch out your hand to her —
every woman shall abandon
all dear in the world…”

 

“Run, oh gloomy apparition,
run, you evil chimeras,
run away, you painful past,
smoke from crazy green years!…
Beauties as there be
in the Bosphorus courts,
luxury — that covers
the Italian sky,
Hell as it encompasses
lewdness, seductions,
such as are in Eden, too:
revelries and enjoyments —
give them all to me, and still —
I will them not! I won’t! Dozens of times!
Lying for a long time now,
as in a cold grave, in my heart
are deadened desires,
the dust of my dreams …
I'm young, but it seems to me
I’ve lived a hundred centuries,
that since thousands of years
I’ve piled up memories!…
I’m young, but of all the passions
I have now been widowed!
Incomprehensible to me today
are the ragbags of the heart,
love, feeling, ideal,
happiness — a wretched vision!…

 

IV

“I'm the God-granted Muse,
I'm the genius… Open up,
oh pure and chosen soul,
accept the gift of heaven!
Exalt yourself! Sing hosanna,
sing the Lord's Psalms!…
Sing the human destinies,
sing the eternal nature,
sing the lights of heaven,
sing of the underworld!
Sing the infinite universe,
sing the immortal soul,
sing the endless struggle
between living beings!
Sing the sinful human mind
how it flies in thick darkness,
and, thirsty for all knowledge,
how it madly flies off!
Sing the terrible troubles
of the Jewish children,
the infinite sufferings
of the unhappy Helots…
Glorify Adam, Eve,
sing their ruin,
sing the boundless blisses,
inverted into smoke!…
Sing the heroes’ marches,
sing Athens, Sparta, Rome,
the luxuries of Babylon,
the temple of Jerusalem!…
Sing — how peoples wretched
they bow, and crawl
before disgraceful idols —
and then they break them!
Sing - what is durable, sound
and good on this globe;
sing the divine law,
sing the Eternal Lord,
the ruler over rulers,
God-Creator, Master of the World!…
Sing the holy epic
of Mind and of Labor,
the feat of Prometheus
and the death of Socrates!…
Sing the first shine,
the first day midst the Solid,
sing of the last sounding
of the heavenly trumpet!
Sing the love poem
of woman and man,
sing the sacred Freedom,
sing the glorious cross of Christ!”

“Let all psalmists sing, and all
the golden-mouthed chanters,
let all the Levites sing
and repartee prophets,
let all the lucky men sing
and all the sufferers on earth —
let him sing he who finds
sweet, joyful words,
who is possessed with grief
and cannot keep silent!
Let him sing who feels
fraternal feelings and enmities,
thirsts, needs, passion hot —
he who feeds with dreams!…
Let him sing who wants
to raise the dead,
let him sing who knows
to build a house of shadows!…
Let him in this brothel weep
and laugh he who will —
let the poor in spirit croak
and let the wise man roar;
oh, for the wind it is the same —
tears, smoke and songs!
The century shall equally sweep up
anathemas and praises!…
Get out!… From waking up
my soul from sleep,
you’d rather put a soul into
the rock, into the rotten stump!…
My voice is gone now,
my harp is broke,
oh, I will sing no more —
there are no songs in a deadman!…
A secret symbol of the things
of day for me is darkness…
Darkness, darkness,
it is in me, it is in front of me!…
A pit of five or six feet in the ground
and peace in nonentity,
this is my Iliad,
Song of the Songs and Psalter!…

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V

“I am the truth immortal,
I am the sacred truth!
I will return the light
in your suffering soul!
I am the naked truth —
and you – in my nakedness –
shall see yourself — the God —
[and] all vanities mundane!…
I am the truth! That one
truth that you
have called upon in tears
in your early youth!…
Open to me!… Do accept me
and look at yourself in me!…
See what is not, see what is
in this World unilluminated!…
You’re a flame, you’re a shadow —
gloom and daylight,
depicted in you today is
the double face of all things;
and it’s why you’re weak, it’s why
you’re angry at yourself;
you wish for quiet days
while immersed in storms…
The shallow human thoughts,
the earthly mind — dull and blind —
darken your eyes
and make you evil, [and] ferocious…
Oh, dare to start seeing,
to come to your senses — submit!
Look, find out what you have, see
where you are, and what you are!
Guess — the most sacred
task of destinies!
Read the supernatural
beginnings in a true book!
In the infinite spaces
and in the inexhaustible age,
oh, come and let me show you
where a person stops!…
In the seabed – a grain of sand,
in the swamp – a drop of water,
under the sky – a murmur, scream –
come, see what it is…
Come, see where all the peoples
come from, where they go —
which common leader guides them
on one and the same path…
What Alexander did
with countless troops,
what Napoleon left —
come, find out and see!…
Alter the unchanging dogmas
change with my help —
all symbols, break down
rites and laws —
and midst thousands of deceptions,
delusions and lies
find the secrets of God —
invent wisdom!
Rise to extremes
unknown to man!…
And enter the very heart
of what simultaneosly
is both a creature,
and pure mind, flesh and ardor.
Understand what no one’s
ever got to understand!…
Yes, in the great past
neither Confucius, nor Moses,
nor God-chosen David,
nor most-wise Solomon,
nor first called prophets,
nor omniscient Plato,
nor godlike Socrates —
no one ever saw a thing
of the deeds of Lord —
of the human affairs…
Every "c r e e d" so far
was but a rebuke —
every confession — a hard night
on this globe…
Oh, come, throw yourself unto me,
embrace the truth
get rid of doubts,
receive revelation!…
That which is nowhere to be found,
in any earthly Talmud-s,
see it, appropriate it now,
you exhausted man!…
Eternity, infinity, power,
unconsciousness, consciousness,
life, primitive element,
a re-creation in the Universe;
how in chaos order arises,
how a ray stands in the darkness,
how times are measured
and who moves the sun;
how a fruit comes out of fruit
under the blue sky;
how genus comes from genus;
where the end of Evil is,
where the sacred righteousness is,
where the general happiness is,
where the imperishable value is,
you will learn everything in me,
oh blinded man!”
.....................
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“I know you're a snowball.
and in hands you melt!
You change size and shape,
look and essence every hour!…
I know!… You’re a 100-year-old tree,
you grow branches everywhere —
but he who falls asleep
beneath you never wakes up!…
I know you are a sweet fruit,
but you’re not for our lips,
you are not for the human race;
your juices are delicious —
but to mighty gods!…
The worm will run over
the widest sea —
before you enter into us —
in our small minds…
Run, ferocious Truth,
there are no gods here,
no reception for you here,
a man lives in this house!…”
........................

 

VI

“I know a man lives here,
and that's why I’ve come here!…
I know that here a man mourns —
I am, my friend, the death!
 

I have not hid my name
and I haven’t lied so far —
but I wanted to enter unto you
with my other names…
 

I am the eternal soul
of eternal nature —
I am the source of life
and the end of all things…
 

In creation I am force
happiness, love and peace,
I am uninterrupted youth
and delight in the mundane world…
 

I am the primordeal leader,
Of the world’s movement,
every creature and every power
find reinforcement in me…

All living beings
merge in my being,
they always come to me
all who walk the earth…
 

I disguise all abysses,
I cover everything that gapes,
all the medicines of
men’s diseases are in me…

See what my flag is,
read its inscription:
Death – the supreme knowledge
and the end of all dreams!
 

All lives are dreamings,
and I, my friend, am
the end of all desires —
the irreversible peace!
 

I restrain all excitement,
I satisfy all hunger,
I hand out all names,
all grace is in me!
 

I remove all passions
and finish through all fights —
all burdens crash on me
down from the human shoulders…
 

This world’s a gloomy parable;
of things invisible
it is the visible shadow;
it is a scratch in a great plan;
 

I will tell you everything,
which law rules everywhere
and which supreme justice
has created today's order…
 

As soon as you leave, abandon
your earthly vests —
you will be a kind and pure mind,
a spirit from god's nature…
 

Oh, come!… Death does not lie!
The grave dream is a sacred dream!
In grave the feeling is no torment!
The grave dark is a bright day!
 

Nothing will drive away
your dust from the bottom-of-earth;
and without you the world will be
the same as it used to be with you…
 

I’m a need above the needs!
In me, resort you unto me!
The living never wakes up
when he falls asleep in me!
 

In the various elements
I am the lasting unity —
in the hopeless deserts
I am the sourcing light…
 

I'm rebuilding everything
arranged badly in the world
and I throw fruitful seed
over any misery!
 

I correct all mistakes,
I unravel all gossips —
and human chains
I turn ybto dust!… Come!
 

Dark human dreams
I turn into lights,
I scatter all shadows
and chimeras!… Open up!
 

Don't be afraid to come
a new being!… To dust there is
no revival!… Your bones shall
sleep an unawakened sleep!…
 

Centuries shall pass,
times shall pass
worlds will grow obsolete,
your bones shall still sleep!…
 

Generations numerous
shall be born and shall die,
new societies to come—
your bones shall still sleep!…
 

Springs and rivers
shall change their beds —
mountains shall collapse —
your bones shall still sleep!…
 

At last extinguished,
going out forever
shall be the last little ray
of the last dawn —
 

all living things shall disappear,
all power shall disappear
and the day shall be inherited
by a heavy, endless night —
 

and suns shall lose
their brilliance, their flesh.
The earth shall be dismantled
from the sky, into some nook —
 

Universe’s existence
shall be ugly scattered,
black chaos shall again
reign everywhere —
 

and a new Creation shall shine
again, another World — and then
in old age it shall fall again,
so that a Third World may come —
 

but your dust, my friend, shall not
feel this [at all]!…
Are you letting me in,
will you accept death?”
........................
 

“Come to me, pale friend,
come to me! Welcome!
Come in, you merciful goddess,
I've been awaiting you thus far!
 

Enter, Queen of Darkness,
come in, oh, mother of the night,
come in and end my days
hand dust over to dust!
 

Oh, be blessed,
your benefactress!…
Here and in the whole of
universe, blessed be!…

 

The End

VID 24 May 2022 (1884)